Hear Me Universe #53. Is Happy

My daughter, Emily, at age 4, demonstrated what I believe is possible for all of us, and I wrote "is happy" on my love list to call in a partner who also believes in and practices what's possible. Emily was fussy and whiney in her resistance to take a nap, just like the girl, Jenny,  in the story book we’d become accustomed to reading each day at nap time. Jenny, like Emily, didn’t want to take a nap and made it known to her own mother by crying and declaring, “I’m not tired!” Yet, Jenny would eventually become too sleepy and fell asleep, awakening with a pleasant demeanor and exclaiming, “I’m happy now!”One day, as Emily and I finished reading the story about Jenny, I kissed Emily and wished her a good nap. Emily started her daily defiance ritual, crying and complaining that she wasn’t tired. I held firmly to the fact that is was nap time, and Emily relaxed her body on the bed and allowed her eyes to close, for about 5 seconds, when she jumped up to her knees, smiled broadly, and exclaimed, “I’m happy now!”And everything about Emily was happy in an instant. Her face had softened, her voice shifted to sounding pleasant, and the dampness of her tears was the only sign of former suffering. My 4-year old daughter instantly shifted from distress to happiness in just a few seconds. It wasn’t fake. She was happy.I learned that day that humans can make a choice in any moment to be happy. I’ve learned since then that science supports my experience.  'My Stroke of Insight,' by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor, is about her recovery from a massive stroke and in it, she explains the physiological mechanism behind emotion. A negative emotion, like anger, is an automatic response and lasts just 90 seconds from the moment it’s triggered until it naturally dissipates from the body. One and a half minutes. That’s it.  When negative emotions last any longer, it’s because we’ve chosen to retain to them...to fuel them. So, like Emily demonstrated, we can cling to any emotion we choose, including happiness. I named this characteristic, "is happy," on my list of 100 ideal descriptions to share my life with someone who understand how powerful we humans are: that we can choose in any moment--in a 90-second instant--to be happy. 

Hear Me Universe #52. Education Snob

My desire was to attract a partner who was well-educated, but not because of any status that comes with having obtained a particular academic degree. Yet, I desired someone who had attained a level of expertise in a field of study, which indicates an ability to persevere, to accept challenges and to achieve.You see, I loved myself enough to stand firm in what I truly wanted. That’s my key advice in making a love list: do not compromise on what your heart actually desires. Debra Berndt, author of Let Love In (2010) urges people to, “be really specific and honest about what you’re looking for,” and wrote that she, ... “wasted five years of [her] life trying to be someone that guys would want to date,” leaving out the words ‘marriage’ and ‘kids’ and ‘commitment’ in her match.com profile so that she, “wouldn’t scare men away.”When you don’t stand firmly in what you want, you DEVALUE yourself, and attract a match to that energy. Be bold and exuberant about what you desire! You send out a signal with your thoughts and your words, so send the clear message.

Hear Me Universe #51. Likes Learning

I was the kid who played school, having my imaginary students sit properly in their desks while I instructed. I wrote this desire on my love list to attract a partner who also values learning—not just through formal education and not just learning academic information. Someone who has a quest for knowing and asks, “why?” Someone who see nearly every experience as a learning opportunity. Someone who retained that childlike sense of wonder and awe and views life as a great teacher. Someone who believes it’s never, ever too late to learn something new.

Hear Me Universe #50. Likes the Water

Any body of water, still or flowing, ebbing or falling. Seeing water is calming for me, from any vantage point. Living in the land-locked Midwest, I had a long-held vision of having a home on the water one day, so I named this on my list to uphold my desire. Not long after Craig and I met, he expressed a picturesque vision of his own in describing, with beautiful detail,  of a lake house, large enough to hold family & friends, filled with joy & laughter often, and quiet for just us at times. I can see it in my mind’s eye right now, and I know this desire is on it’s way to being fulfilled.

Hear Me Universe #49. Likes Europe

Why Europe?When I wrote my love list in 2008, I had traveled to cities in Europe, and in all of them, I felt equally mesmerized and grounded. The magical scenes, like local artists practicing their craft in Sacré-Cœur or a neighborhood baker near Campo de' Fiori opening for the day with fresh goodness on display, pulled me into a world that felt much like story books. It remains my desire to live for months in various countries and my travel list starts with many in Europe.How much fun to go on this adventure with my partner in travel and life? 

Hear Me Universe #48. Likes Travel

A travel partner. A comrade. A fellow explorer. A nomad’s heart. A welcoming of the discomfort that comes from being in new surroundings. A belief that we live in a beautiful, amazing, diverse world and that we are better humans when we experience what isn’t familiar and honor the diversity. A spontaneity that allows for being drawn to unexpected beauty. A desire to learn from others. A knowing that we expand from our experience with the unknown.