Hear Me Universe #7. Has Expressive Eyes

Hear Me Universe
#7. has expressive eyes

We've all heard, "eyes are the windows of the soul," and while I can't verify a source of this statement, I know it's true. Mothers insist that their children, "look at my eyes," when they desire a focused conversation. "Eye contact" is a speaker's strength when connecting with an audience. Matching some's gaze upon a first meeting is a way I practice remembering people's names.

So, yes, it's in the eyes, and we likely all have expressive ones. I just knew I wanted to look in his eyes and see beyond what's obvious.

Hear Me Universe #4. Is a Giver

Hear Me Universe
#4. is a giver

Making my list, I was calling in an energetic match--someone who offers back to me what I offer. Something I love about me is my desire to be helpful to others, to do good deeds, to make others feel special.

Who wouldn't like that, yes?

Two givers sharing this life feels in balance, encourages each to desire to give even more, and attracts others who also share of themselves willingly. My husband and I love to use the phrase, "it's an AND universe," shifting from a limited, either/or mindset, to being open to all that's possible.

Practice giving. See what comes back to you.

Hear Me Universe #3. Is Faithful to Me

Hear Me Universe
#3. is faithful to me

Commitment. Trust. Safety. Connection.

#3 is not just about fidelity. It's also about loyalty, honesty, reliance, belief. In the energy body, these human needs are associated with the 1st or root chakra. In Sanskrit, the root chakra is called the Muladhara: Mula meaning “root” and Adhara, which means “support” or “base.” For all humans, strength in this energy center is foundational, literally, for a heathy presence in the world.

In building your list, what is foundational to you?

Hear Me Universe #2. Passionate Lover

Hear Me Universe 

#2. passionate lover

Yes, I claimed it! I desired a match to my passion. I show up in the world "all in," and sometimes I've felt the sting of this energy. Yet, here's what I believe: this beautiful, precious life is ours to create, and in making my love list, I refused to hold back on how I wanted to feel. I wanted a lover who would offer pleasure to my body and who would show me fully his desire for me.

In writing this post, I'm breathing through the little hint of embarrassment, releasing the block I sometimes create to receiving, sitting with the truth that my husband's passion for me is a gift, and I fully receive his physical expressions of love.

Hear Me Universe #1. Loves Me

Hear Me Universe

#1. loves me

Well, duh. Seems pretty fundamental and even feels a little silly on a list of the 100 characteristics of my ideal match. The truth is, a few guys professed their love for me in those post-divorce dating experiences, yet they weren't willing to show up wholly for me.

So, when I wrote #1 "loves me," I meant: LOVES ME ENOUGH TO DECLARE IT, OWN IT, LIVE IT, FEEL IT, SHOW IT, BE IT.

Yeah, that's it: ALL IN.

And, a critical part of making my list was declaring my worth--a topic that I help clients work through in my coaching sessions and online workshops. Believing that I'm worthy of everything I desire on this list & in this life's experience was a critical process for me. I was certainly bruised from my marriage having ended and, yes, I felt unworthy of having a great, new relationship for quite a long time after my divorce.

So, be gentle with yourself when you are in declaring your worth. And, at the same time, DECLARE IT. Even if you don't FEEL wholly worthy right now, act "as if" you are. When we feel unworthy, we feel powerless. When we feel powerless, we shrink. When we shrink, we attract the same energy.

Amy Cuddy, in her Ted Talk "Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are," indicates her research findings and asserts that, "our bodies change our minds and our minds can change our behavior, and our behavior can change our outcomes...," and directs us to, "fake it till you make it." Practice becoming that person who is WORTHY. Because you all. We all are.

I didn't write my list in order of importance, but I'm glad "loves me" is #1.

What's your #1?

100!

People often ask me to share my list of the 100 characteristics I wrote in 2008, as I called in the relationship I truly desired.

I'm sometimes hesitant to share the list, because the words I used don't fully reveal what's behind them: how I knew I wanted to FEEL in my ideal relationship.

So, for the next 100 days, I will be posting one characteristic a day from my list, which I entitled, "Hear Me Universe!" It was my declaration of what I desired--even demanded. My posts will share what feeling I knew I wanted when I wrote that item on my list.

#1 begins tomorrow. I'm so excited to share!