Hear Me Universe #55. Committed to a Spirit of Self-improvement

When I was a teacher, I witnessed thousands of teenagers demonstrate this spirit of self-improvement. Students arrived in my English classroom with different talents, and nearly all of them left with more ability, deeper knowledge, and sharper skills. English class required students to read widely, write often, and talk about both reading and writing. It’s a course that demands metacognition, and my class was challenging. And, students who showed up daily, worked steadily, practiced through their assignments were successful.At the end of each academic year, I’d have my students review their major writings from the course (a portfolio, giving a long-term view) and write about what qualities they saw growing in their writing. This reflection nearly always resulted in a sense of achievement and pride—they could tangibly SEE how they had improved as writers.What if we each did an annual reflection of self-improvement? When we look at the longer view, I believe we see more than if we continue to look at only waves that have crashed violently. What if we look to see the ripples of our own amazing lives, content with where we are and committed to rise again?

Hear Me Universe #54. Knows Contentment

My love list to the universe was written at a time when I was making contentment a companion of mine. I wrote my list in 2008, three years after my 22-year marriage ended. I was 44 years old, and contentment had been slowing emerging as a dominant desire: to be present with what is and to be totally fine. And, when I was present with what is and NOT totally fine, I had learned that it was time to take action, to rebalance what had gone awry so that contentment would live within again. I cultivated contentment through solitary activities, like running long mileage and practicing yoga and reading books that took me far away. It was the first time in my life that I was just being with me and getting to like it. I took my first meditation classes, which shined a spotlight on my monkey mind and helped me love the chaos  that I was trying to quite. So, “knows contentment” made my list, as I desired a match to the state of being serene, still, and whole.What activities or practices do you use to create contentment in your life?

Hear Me Universe #53. Is Happy

My daughter, Emily, at age 4, demonstrated what I believe is possible for all of us, and I wrote "is happy" on my love list to call in a partner who also believes in and practices what's possible. Emily was fussy and whiney in her resistance to take a nap, just like the girl, Jenny,  in the story book we’d become accustomed to reading each day at nap time. Jenny, like Emily, didn’t want to take a nap and made it known to her own mother by crying and declaring, “I’m not tired!” Yet, Jenny would eventually become too sleepy and fell asleep, awakening with a pleasant demeanor and exclaiming, “I’m happy now!”One day, as Emily and I finished reading the story about Jenny, I kissed Emily and wished her a good nap. Emily started her daily defiance ritual, crying and complaining that she wasn’t tired. I held firmly to the fact that is was nap time, and Emily relaxed her body on the bed and allowed her eyes to close, for about 5 seconds, when she jumped up to her knees, smiled broadly, and exclaimed, “I’m happy now!”And everything about Emily was happy in an instant. Her face had softened, her voice shifted to sounding pleasant, and the dampness of her tears was the only sign of former suffering. My 4-year old daughter instantly shifted from distress to happiness in just a few seconds. It wasn’t fake. She was happy.I learned that day that humans can make a choice in any moment to be happy. I’ve learned since then that science supports my experience.  'My Stroke of Insight,' by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor, is about her recovery from a massive stroke and in it, she explains the physiological mechanism behind emotion. A negative emotion, like anger, is an automatic response and lasts just 90 seconds from the moment it’s triggered until it naturally dissipates from the body. One and a half minutes. That’s it.  When negative emotions last any longer, it’s because we’ve chosen to retain to them...to fuel them. So, like Emily demonstrated, we can cling to any emotion we choose, including happiness. I named this characteristic, "is happy," on my list of 100 ideal descriptions to share my life with someone who understand how powerful we humans are: that we can choose in any moment--in a 90-second instant--to be happy. 

Hear Me Universe #52. Education Snob

My desire was to attract a partner who was well-educated, but not because of any status that comes with having obtained a particular academic degree. Yet, I desired someone who had attained a level of expertise in a field of study, which indicates an ability to persevere, to accept challenges and to achieve.You see, I loved myself enough to stand firm in what I truly wanted. That’s my key advice in making a love list: do not compromise on what your heart actually desires. Debra Berndt, author of Let Love In (2010) urges people to, “be really specific and honest about what you’re looking for,” and wrote that she, ... “wasted five years of [her] life trying to be someone that guys would want to date,” leaving out the words ‘marriage’ and ‘kids’ and ‘commitment’ in her match.com profile so that she, “wouldn’t scare men away.”When you don’t stand firmly in what you want, you DEVALUE yourself, and attract a match to that energy. Be bold and exuberant about what you desire! You send out a signal with your thoughts and your words, so send the clear message.

Hear Me Universe #51. Likes Learning

I was the kid who played school, having my imaginary students sit properly in their desks while I instructed. I wrote this desire on my love list to attract a partner who also values learning—not just through formal education and not just learning academic information. Someone who has a quest for knowing and asks, “why?” Someone who see nearly every experience as a learning opportunity. Someone who retained that childlike sense of wonder and awe and views life as a great teacher. Someone who believes it’s never, ever too late to learn something new.

Hear Me Universe #50. Likes the Water

Any body of water, still or flowing, ebbing or falling. Seeing water is calming for me, from any vantage point. Living in the land-locked Midwest, I had a long-held vision of having a home on the water one day, so I named this on my list to uphold my desire. Not long after Craig and I met, he expressed a picturesque vision of his own in describing, with beautiful detail,  of a lake house, large enough to hold family & friends, filled with joy & laughter often, and quiet for just us at times. I can see it in my mind’s eye right now, and I know this desire is on it’s way to being fulfilled.