Hear Me Universe #13. Is Kind to my Children

Hear Me Universe
#13. is kind to my children

In calling in the relationship I desired, I wrote #13 to acknowledge the simplicity of the relationship. I was asking for someone to show up with kindness toward my children. Really, that’s all they needed. Their father and I adore them and inviting another person in this world to step into their lives, kindness was the fundamental trait.

What’s magical about this energy of creation is in being clear about how I wanted to feel in a new relationship—yet being open to even more—I received more than I asked for. My husband adores my children, supports them by showing up for them in big and small ways, and loves who they are. Kindness, yes, and so much more.

Hear Me Universe #12. Loves His Children, Unconditionally

Hear Me Universe
#12. loves his children unconditionally

In my Online Workshops, I guide clients through a process of shifting their energy about past relationships—from all that was “wrong” and “bad” to all that there is to be GRATEFUL for about ALL of our relationships.

I know. It’s easier to talk about why we ended the relationship and why he’s a jerk or she’s high maintenance. We KNOW what we don’t want in a relationship. We become expert at knowing what we DON’T want by replaying the negative remembrances over and over and over.

Stop it. Yep, stop. It serves no one, especially not you. Keeping those negative energetic strings attached to past loves only keeps your energy in the past story. (If you need help with releasing this negative energy, join one of my workshops and I'll help you.)

#12 on my list came from a place of gratitude for my ex-husband, the father of our amazing children. He loves them, unconditionally. He created a sweet & playful way that he’d remind them of his unconditional love. It went something like this:

Daddy: “Do I love you because you’re smart?”
5-year old Emily: “Nooooooooooo.”
Daddy: “No, but you are smart.”

Daddy: “Do I love you because you’re a great soccer player?”
5-year old Emily: “Nooooooooooo.”
Daddy: “No, but you are a great soccer player.”

Daddy: “Do I love you because you cleaned your room?”
5-year old Emily: “Nooooooooooo.”
Daddy: “No, but thank you for cleaning your room.”

Daddy: “Then, why do I love you?”
5-year old Emily: “Because I’m EMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

My heart leaped every single time I heard this exchange in our home, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship with someone whose heart can love others, just because.

Hear Me Universe #11. Likes Adventure

Hear Me Universe
#11. likes adventure

Adventure. A deep yearning to push beyond our limits. A quest for expansion. A view of the world as bountiful and worthy of exploration.

I've always loved the moment when the vista before me is of the mountain range. Driving to visit my daughter while she was in school at Virginia and seeing the first glimpse of the Blue Ridge Mountains always took my breath. I know the first time I spied the Cumberland Gap with my own eyes, I could feel the majesty that, no doubt, the first settlers also felt as they adventured West. Seeing the expansiveness of space and time and life in front of me is an experience that I love sharing with my life's partner.

Hear Me Universe #10. Willing to Make it All About Me

Hear Me Universe
#10. willing to make it all about me

All. Not all the time, but from time to time, I want it ALL. Like how it was when I was a kid, and it was my birthday, and I got to have my way all day long. So, I like birthday-days and birthday-hours and birthday-moments. Mostly, I like choosing what feels best to me and being honored for that choice.

Claiming this desire can still feel uncomfortable at times for me. There's been some deep energy in me that places a priority on sacrifice, so extremely that it becomes martyrdom and, as far as I can tell, playing the martyr is the fastest path of feeling powerless.

Don't confuse a focus on SELF as being SELFISH and don't fall into the scarcity mindset that says, "if I feel awesome, someone else must feel less than awesome." That's false and limiting and minimizing.

Hear Me Universe #9. Loves Pets

Hear Me Universe
#9. loves pets

Perhaps it's the capacity to love the vulnerable and the selflessness to care for creatures that offer unconditional love. Perhaps it's the understanding that the same life force that pulses through me pulses through all. Perhaps it's the simplicity of playing with the dog and feeling joy. And, it is also, no matter how many times our cat, Beatrice, asks for the door to be opened so she can go in & out and in & out all day, my love spoils her in doing so.

Hear Me Universe #8. Love People

Hear Me Universe
#8. loves people

You're likely seeing themes emerge already from my first 8 characteristic, and "loves people," for me, ties to kindness. It was Plato who's credited by some for saying, "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." What if we were to view all those whose paths cross ours--the stranger on the street, the driver in traffic, the announcer on the radio--as valiant and perfect in this human life? How would that change the way we see the world?

When I wrote, "loves people," I felt a desire to share a life with someone who had the capacity to see the bigger picture. And, when we view others through a lens of love, we increase our capacity to see ourselves in this way.

This self-love, yes, is inextricably linked to our ability to love others. When I view myself as perfect--that whatever I bring to my experience is perfect for me at that exact time--I can better view the whole of humanity more gently.

Perhaps it's best said by the great Sufi poet, Rumi, in "Guest House":

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.