Hear Me Universe #85. Has Good, Male Friends

I’ve come to better understand the role that other women have in my life—that sisterhood is a foundational need for me and, I believe, for all women. Writer Bell Hooks exerted that, “Women are divided by sexist attitudes, racism, class privilege, and a host of other prejudices. Sustained woman bonding can occur only when these divisions are confronted and the necessary steps are taken to eliminate them.” Cultivating deep bonds with other women—for me, who has no biological sisters—has been a buoy that has sustained me far more than once.Men, likewise, have a history of competition, self-reliance, and independence and have lived much of history announcing clear winners and losers. For this and other sociological reasons, I believe that men need brotherhood: good, male friends that support their own human growth & development.From my primary, intimate relationship, I am held safely, lovingly, and wholly. And, in an equally powerful but different way, my sisters hold me safely, lovingly, and wholly. I need these influences—along with loving myself wholly—to create this beautiful life. I want my husband to be as supported by brotherhood in the same way—safely, lovingly, and wholly.

Hear Me Universe #84. Has Hobbies

I was asking for a partner who stretches & extends himself, and I wrote “has hobbies” as a description that represents the desire to immerse deeply in something that’s purely fun. Years ago, a friend recounted a conversation she had with her young son, explaining the meaning of avocation and extolling the importance of developing a part of you that may lie dormant, yet makes your heart sing.I’ve come to understand even more clearly now that if we will all follow that tug to something that lights us up, the possibilities are limitless. Why, just look the impact that J. Paul Getty’s passion for collecting art has had on the millions who’ve visited the Getty Museum or think if Anton Chekhov had only been a physician or Gertrude Blom had not spent 5 decades chronicling the Mayan cultures of Chiapas.Alan Watts is famous for having said, “When we finally got down to something, which the individual says he really wants to do, I will say to him, you do that and forget the money, because...you’ll be doing things you don’t like doing in order to go on living, that is to go on doing things you don’t like doing, which is stupid. Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing than a long life spent in a miserable way.” Certainly, he was encouraging ones vocational pursuit, and maybe that’s why I like the idea of developing an avocation, as it just may become your central gift to the world.

Hear Me Universe #82. Celebrates Life

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” --Oprah WinfreyWhen my children were growing up and we’d have family dinner at the end of a school day, I’d ask, “what’s one thing about your day that you loved.” Some days, it took a little while for one of them to respond, yet there was eventually something shared that was to be celebrated.It’s the spirit of celebrating this very life this very day that, in writing this characteristic on my love list, I desired in the partner I was to attract. And, it’s not rose-colored glasses to find something, even just one something, to celebrate absolutely every day we are alive on this planet. In my deepest, darkest days, I still was able to see beauty,  and it was in looking for it that, day by day, I found more & more & more to celebrate.In celebrating, we tap into feeling gratitude, and gratitude is the most powerful emotion to express in our darkness, as it lets in just a little light.Today, search for just a little light, let it glow and maybe expand, and celebrate.

Hear Me Universe #83. Finds Happiness

Finds a way to be happy. There no more powerful, internal work we can do for our own life and for the world. Period.In creating my love list, I didn’t prioritize any of the 100 items; the order of the items flowed from my heart’s desires as I answered the question, “what’s my ideal?”And yet, in the writing I’ve done for 82 days now, taking each item on my love list and expanding from the few words to a more full explanation of each description, I know that this two-word phrase—FINDS HAPPINESS— is all that really matters: confront what’s unhappy in your reality and shift to an existence that feels better.Happiness has been well-researched, written and spoken about by experts all over the world—experts in fields such as neuroscience, psychology, theology, spirituality, business, and self-help. To distill all the research to one element would be absurd, yet I’ll risk it and offer this: the most significant shift you can make right now is to believe that only right now matters.Our power to choose happiness is in the present moment. Our human, creative ability exists is right now. We are not limited by our past and to stay stuck in what has passed leaves this moment diminished in its own potential to create a better feeling.

Hear Me Universe #81. Loves Weekends

When I wrote this item on my list, I desired to attract a partner who saw weekends as summer vacation. Remember, summers off from school as kids? We got up early and played all day, exhausting ourselves in the sunshine. We didn’t have a plan. Our only goal was fun. We were active and creative and filled with the enthusiastic pursuit of happiness.I also love how now, where I am in my life, this desire isn’t reserved for weekends. I see the world differently now, in my post-corporate career—in this life I’ve created that beckons each day to surprise me and fill me with delight.What would it take for you to live each day with unbridled passion for what you do? How would it change the way you feel about your life? How would it impact your own love list?What could you do, today, to step toward feeling like you did as a kid on summer vacation? How could you begin to live fully, with gusto and joy?

Hear Me Universe #80. Follows Through on Plans

Step 1: Making a plan.Step 2: Executing the planLet’s face it, making a plan is the beginning, but without follow through, who cares? Blogger James Clear contrasts the difference in planning and taking action like this: “If I outline 20 ideas for articles I want to write, that’s motion. If I actually write and publish an article, that’s action.”It’s in the action that we can often become riddled with fears and, without pushing forward, adjusting the sails as needed, those fears feel real because there’s no evidence to disprove them as the monsters we’ve made them to be.Calling in a partner who understood the vital activation energy that is unleashed by doing is the energy behind this item on my love list. Something that was important enough to warrant a plan deserves an investment of time and energy.